pleased to meet you, hope you guessed my name

My wise wife may be lacking in the realm of book-knowledge, but is definitely not lacking in wisdom. She reminded me of what my former pastor, Rev Terry Atkinson, shared with me about when he initually moved towards full-time minisry. He told us that suddenly, things popped out of the wordwork here and they – not forcing him to stop, but distracting him from what needed to be done. The Enemy wants to attack even more fiercely when you submit, and follow God’s leading.

Maybe that’s what all this is about. I met with Dora Crosby at ADC yesterday to talk about what courses I wanted to take. Perhaps the Accuser is trying to distract me. It doesn’t really matter. I pray for brokenness.

And to the Enemy: The Lord cast you out of my house. God will not permit you to have me, nor my family. I see you now – I didn’t always, but I see you now. God has defeated you from the foundations of the earth, and may He rebuke you for accusing His own before Him.

EDIT: The area “to the enemy” has been edited based on a good, solid scriptural rebuke.

on my knees

WARNING: Extreme bluntness ahead (Kids, you should probably go read something else…

For the very first time in my Christian life, I’ve kneeled at the edge of my bed and prayed. I’ve seen kids do that on TV, but I’ve never done it myself. First time for everything. But for the second time in my life, I’ve thrown myself in tears at the mercy of our God. The last time was for something relatively minor… smoking. In tears, I begged Him to break me of that addiction, and break me He did.

I need to be broken again. Re-broken. Smashed into peices and remade.

This is the word that came to Jeremiah from the LORD: “Go down to the potter’s house, and there I will give you my message.” So I went down to the potter’s house, and I saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him. Then the word of the LORD came to me: “O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter does?” declares the LORD. “Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, O house of Israel. ” (Jeremiah 18:1-6 )

I’ve treated the throne of our God like a toilet. I’ve spat upon the Son mores times than is healthy for me to recall. I’ve done everything I could to poison myself so I could vomit the Spirit, and expel Him from my person.

Lord, break me! Please! Tear me apart! Rip this weak flesh from my bones, and give me something better. Let me wear the robe of Christ. Let me know what it is to be your Son! You’ve laid a dinner table before me, and I keep running off to the pig-trough instead. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! Why would I eat with the pigs?! Why would I envy their meal?

I am not who I should be. God help me.

love prerequisites

When Christ began his public ministry in Campernaum, his did not preach “I love you, you love me, we’re a happy family.” People often mistake the love of God as some sort of mushy Halmark-card sentiment that makes you feel all warm n’ tingly inside. The love of God is amazing and unfathomable, of that there can be no doubt. When the Scriptures say “God is love” they are not telling us that God is conforming to some standard that is “loving.” They are stating that this concept that we vaguely understand, called “love,” finds it’s origins in, and it very nature in God. We cannot understand what love is, unless we understand who God is, because God IS love.

Spend a few minutes thinking about that. If your brain doesn’t do a few situps, they you haven’t thought about it enough. This concept establishes a prerequisite for love. Step 1, know God. John confirms this in his first epistle:

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. (1 John 4:7-8)

Now don’t get confused by the word “love” that the world tosses about here and there like it was tinsel on a forest. The phrase “true love” is more than a little cliché, so perhaps the phrase “Love in Truth” would be better. I love spaghetti, but I don’t Love spaghetti in Truth. I love Bruce Willis movies, but not a Love in Truth. I love my daughter… ah… now her I do Love it Truth. I Love my wife in Truth. The love that I have for my wife and daughter do not find their origin in me. In fact, if I were to be perfectly honest with the darkness in my heart, there have been times when I have thought my life would be simpler if I didn’t love them as I do. That darkness is likely either the Enemy, or some sin crouching at my door, but niether rule me in that matter. I love my wife and daughter unconditionally. I can say with the utmost honesty that I cannot fathom a situation where they could do anything to make me stop loving them. Thus, I know the love I have for them does not find it’s origins in this fragile human mind. Did I love them in that way before I knew Christ? Honestly? I don’t think I did. I can try to convince myself that I did, but it simply could not be Love in Truth.

There is, I believe, another prerequisite to love as taught by Christ in his public ministry. Actually, it’s a prerequisite to knowing God, who is the source of love. When Christ initiated his ministry and public preaching following his baptism by John, and his time in the desert with the Enemy, he did not declare to the people, “Please, just let me love you and forgive you!” No, how could he? How could we know love? Forgiveness? Who neeeds it? I’m a pretty good guy. So, Jesus of Nazareth, son of Joseph and Mary, what would you say to me, the listening public?

“Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near!” (Matthew 4:17b)

How can you hope to know God, or love, or anything at all when all you really know is your own selfish desires. How many people stood before Jesus in that time scoffing, or even just sticking their fingers in their ears, and screaming “I CAN’T HEAR YOU!” How many of us today to that? What about me? What about you? The kingdom of heaven is nearer today than it was those 2000 years ago. God help us all.