Books, books and more books

The dreaded book list has arrived for the school year, so if your in any of my classes, here’s the Amazon links to the cheapest options.  So, before I get too stressed out about those costs and so forth, here’s some quotes to lighten the mood:

• Old basketball players never die. They just sit in front of you at the movies.
• My parents put us to sleep by tossing us up in the air. Of course, you have to have low ceilings for this method to work.
• Adults are obsolete children.
• Ever notice that we trust banks with our money, but they don’t trust us with their pens?
• Please don’t think of me as your boss. Think of me as your friend who is never wrong.
• When cows laugh, does milk come out of their noses?
• Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
• Santa Claus comes to us under many names: Kris Kringle, Saint Nicholas, MasterCard.
• A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
• If you want to be sure you’ll always remember your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.
• It’s always darkest right before you stub your toe.
• Death is God’s way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
• I’ve been on a diet for two weeks and all I’ve lost is two weeks.
• Diplomacy is the art of saying “Nice doggie” until you can find a rock.
• If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, a couple of times more. Then quit. There’s no sense making a fool of yourself.
• Nothing seems to bring on an emergency as quickly as putting money aside in case of one.
• The ESP Society will not be meeting this month due to unforeseen circumstances.
• I think it’s wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.
• I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!
• No job is so simple that is can’t be done wrong.
• Behind every successful man stands an absolutely astounded mother-in-law.
• You know you’re getting older when in the morning you hear snap, crackle, pop, and it isn’t your breakfast cereal.
• Whoever uses the term “dirt cheap” probably hasn’t bought any real estate lately.
• A friend said, “I quit smoking cold turkey.” I said, “What do you smoke now? Ham?”
• My wife thinks I’m too nosy. At least that’s what she scribbles in her diary.